its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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