I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
