Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
