we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
