Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
