you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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