I didn't shave. On purpose
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
