it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Even my vagina gasped.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
