So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
