party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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