we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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