This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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