So many bounce houses so little time
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
