Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
