I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
