I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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