Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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