Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Randomize
