I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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