Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You pole danced in your parka.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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