I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Just pee around me
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
