ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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