im six kinds of drunk right now
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
