you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
