i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
