you would pick up someone in the library
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
