I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
