I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
why is half of my head shaved?
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