she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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