Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
