This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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