I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
