My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
