I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
