i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
