Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
we're making bets on your personal life
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
