did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
