Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
