The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
