Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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