Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
