shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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