He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
