No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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