i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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