she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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