I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize