I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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