how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
