so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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