i was born a porn star she said
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
