the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
