My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
