I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I need water and some morals
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
