It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
