he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
