Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Soap is not a condiment
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
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