I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
