Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
