does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
