Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
He kissed a someone with a penis
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
