At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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